Oye Sardarjiiiii

1 A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after

Every 10 sec a

woman gives birth to a kid.

A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.


2 Sardar-why r all these people running?

Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.

Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why r

others running?


3 Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence

into future tense.

Sardar: The future tense is "u will go to jail".


4 Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was

not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary

Expected".

After much thought he wrote: Yes!


5 Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants. Servant

it's already raining. Sardar: So what? Take an

umbrella and go.


6 Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer

gave 11cr after

deducting tax. Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 cr or else

return my 20 Rs

back.


7 Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This Packet

Sardar:- why did u come so far. Instead u could have

posted it....


8 Sardar's wish :when i die,i wana die like my grandpa who died

peacefully in his sleep not screaming like all the

passengers in the

car he was driving..


9 Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible

looking thing is

what you call modern art ?

Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!


10 Sardar was writing something very slowly.

Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?

Sardar: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.


11 Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab . Local

sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still

digging for more..


12 A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not

in the morning. Sardarji replied "Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM".


13 Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?

Darling : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.

Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?

Darling : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be greater than this one?


14 Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles

and lighten your burden.

Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or

troubles.

Girl: Well that is because we aren't married yet.


15 Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to

give up my seat to a lady.

Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.

Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.


16 A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if

my father hadn't left me a fortune?" "Honey," the woman replied Sweetly,

"I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"


17 Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."

Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."


18 A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"..

My Father grows beans," said one student. "My father cooks beans," said

another.

Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans."


19 Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"

Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."

Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman.

Interviewer: "What were you before you married her?"

Millionaire: "A Billionaire"


20 Its funny when people discuss over "love marriage" and "arranged marriage"

It is like asking a person if he would like to "hang himself" or "shoot himself".


21 What is a girl friend?

Addition of problems, subtraction of money, multiplication of enemies & division of friends.


22 Guide: "I welcome you all to Niagara Falls. These are the world's largest

waterfalls and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20

supersonic planes passing by can't be heard.

Now may I request the ladies to keep quite so that we can hear the Niagara

Falls?"




23 Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist.

If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for seven years.

The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board overlooking an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.

The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.

Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.

The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump.

"Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor.

To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"


24 As a old man was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him,

"Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!"

"It's not just one car," said Herman, "It's hundreds of them!"


25 Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.


26 What's the definition of lawyer?

The larval form of a politician


27 How do you recognize a Sardar in School?

He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.


28 once a Sardhar was walking and had a glove on one hand and not on the other so the man asked him why did he do so. He Replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.


29 Sardarji bought a brand new Maruti and decided to drive down from Amritsar, where he lived, to Jalandar to meet his friend. He reached there in a few hours.

After spending a few days there, he decided to return, and called up his mother to expect him in the evening. But he didn't reach in the evening and not the next day either. "

When he finally reached home on the third day, his distraught mother ran and asked him " Arre Puttar, ki hoya?

(What Happened, My Son?)

The Sardarji got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said, "Oy, ye Marutti wale pagal hain, agge jaane waaste chaar gear banaate hain, )

aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik?" (These Maruti Car people are crazy! They have four gears for going forward, but only one for going back!


32 Santa Singh decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred chickens to begin with. A month later he returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens .

because all of the first lot had died. A month later he was back at t he dealer for another hundred chickens for the second lot had also died

'But I think I know where I'm going wrong,' said Santa, 'I think I'm planting them too deep.'


33 2 Dost Suicide karne gae, Pahala : "Hey Bhagwan muje dunia ki saari

nafrat de Pareshani de Duk de!" Dusra dost : "Abe tu maut maang raha

hai ki Reliance mai Job.


34 Q - What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?

A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying... & the other ensures U
Continue to do so.


35 Sardar to Shopkeeper: - Mujhe India Ka Flag Dikhao, Shopkeeper ne Flag
Dikhaya, Sardar: - Isme aur Colour Dikhao.


36 .How can a Sardar Kill a Lion ? Sardarji thinks N thinks hard &

comes to a conclusion: I'll drink poison n let lion eat me. O' bolo

ta ra ra.


37 A Chinese pair accidentally had twins without getting married, Guess

what they named them... Jo Hua, So Hua.


38 Wife : Honey ...... What are You Looking for ?

Husband : Nothing.

Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an

hour ...?? Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.


39 Papa : beta har parai stri ko apni Maa samjho to tumhara character

thik ho jaaega.....Beta : Lekin Papa fir Aap ke character ka kya

hoga....???


40 Sardar: O Banno Car ki speed itani ky badha di..?
biwi: Oji Car ki break fail ho gayi hai, Exident ho jaye iske pahale ghar pahunch jaate hai.


41 Sardar : Sitting on The Top of the Mountain and Studying.... When a

Person asked what he was doing.... He replied... Oye!! Higher

Studies

Yaar...!!!


42 Mayawati came to Lalu's House with a Goat.....

Lalu : Bhaiswa ko kyun Layi ho....??

Maya : Dikhta nahi, Goatwa hai..??

Lalu : Hum Goatwa se hi Puch raha Hun..!!

43 Wife : Do you want dinner?

Husband : Sure, what are my choices?

Wife : Yes and no.


44 Man : How old is your father?

Boy : As old as me.

Man : How can that be?

Boy : He became a father only when I was born


45 Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the

field"

Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field

Teacher : How?

Student : Ladies first.


46 Customer: If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in two days time?

Post Master : Yes sir, it definitely will.

Customer : I bet you, it won't.

Post Master : Why not?

Customer : It's addressed to Mumbai.


47 1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!

2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.

1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions


48 Man before Marriage I like Airtel...."Aisi Azaadi Aur Kahaan"

After Marriage He's Like Hutch... " Where R U Go Our Network

Follows."


49 Santa : That Cow is a Lovely Colour ,

Farmer : Yes, it's a Jersey.

Santa : Oh, I Thought it was its Skin...!!!

gaya... aur main...SWARGWASI. ..


50 They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is

love; after marriage it is self-defense

Misc sardar jokes

Prince Charles & Sardarji were having dinner. Prince said, "Pass the wine you divine".Sardar thinks "how poetic"Sardar says, "pass the custard you bastard".
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Sardar at bar in New York .Man on his right says "Johny Walker single"Man on his left says "Peter Scotch single" Sardar says - "Baljith Singh Married"
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Boss : am giving u job as a driver. STARTING salary Rs.2000/-, is it o.kSardar : U R great sir! Starting salary is o.k.......but??how much is DRIVING salary...?***********************************************
Sardar's theory : Moon is more impt than Sun, coz it gives light atnight when light is needed & Sun gives light during the day when light is not needed!!!***********************************************
2 sardars are driving a Car, one puts on the indicator and asks the other to check whether its working, he puts his head out and saysYES...NO...YES...NO...YES...NO...
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Sardar shouting 2 his girl friend " u said v will do register marriage and cheated me, I was waiting 4 u yesterday whole day in the postoffice....
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A Tamilian call up sardar and asks " tamil therima??"Sardar got mad, angrily replied.... "Hindi tera baap!!!"
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2 sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy.Sar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case. Sar 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!....
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A sardar on an interview 4 da post detective.Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?Sardar : Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start investigating.......
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A sardar for an exam had studied only one essay 'FRIEND', but in the exam the essay which came was 'FATHER' . he replaced friend with fatherin the essay and>it read: AM A VERY FATHERLY PERSON, I HAVE LOTS OF FATHERS, SOME OF MY FATHERS ARE MALE AND SOME ARE FEMALE. MY TRUEFATHER IS MY NEIGHBOUR.
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Interviewar: what s ur qualification?Sardarji : Sir I am Ph.d.Interviewar : what do u mean by Ph.d?Sardarji : (smiling) PASSED HIGHSCHOOL with DIFFICULTY....
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Amitab : In which state Cauvery flows?Sardar : liquid state.....Audience clapped.. Amitab stunned, looks behind, ALL WERE SARDARS.......

our lunchtime in school

well...this happened when i was in 6th or 7th.....
it was our lunch break and we were going to have our lunch....
in those days our school had this stupid rule of not allowing us to have our lunch inside our classrooms...instead we had to eat outside by sitting on the corridor floor....
well we didn't care much as long there are friends with u...

anyway..one day...me went and sat down, as usual, rest of the guys came down. my sabari was sitting beside me..and we were talking and about to start our lunch....
i saw Sabari opening his box... he had rice...with some our curries....+ i saw he has "rasam"..(ma favourite ..as wells his...we both share it wenever we have it...if he brings it i' ll will take it from him...and if i bring it i will give it to him...).
i saw him emptying the bottle to half. I asked him if i could i take it. He nodded and finished it.

Suddenly i saw mu other friend Aravind coming and taking the bottle...he gave a strange look at it...gave it a turn...
then asked..."who used my rasam"????
both me and Sabari stared at each other and exclaimed.."it was ur rasam na??"

Sabari thought it was my rasam and he used it...and i finished it thinking it was his.

poor guy aravind had to find another source of curry that day....

Sardarji in NASA

NASA was getting ready to launch a very important
space shuttle. The scientists and engineers checked and
double checked everything to make sure that things are fine.
However, on the day of our launch, something seemed
to be wrong. The rocket gave all sorts of noise but never
took off even an inch from the ground. The engineers were
puzzled because they could not figure out the problem.
Finally, there was an Sardar who offered
to help. They NASA people were desperate by that time and
agreed to do anything.
"Tilt the rocket 45 degrees to the right" said the
Indian scientist. The engineers were puzzled but did it anyway.
"Bring it back to vertical position" the Sardar said.
The engineers did.
"Now start the engines" he said. And surprise, the
rocket took off and flew into outer space!
Everybody congratulated him and asked him how he knew
what to do. He replied -
"It is very simple. This is what we always do with our
Bajaj scooters in India".

Sardar jokes

Once, a Hindu, a Sardar and an American were travelling in an

aeroplane. Suddenly, something went wrong and the engines stalled. They had

no parachutes with them. So all the three of them decided to risk their lives

and jump out of their planes.

First, the Sardar jumped out. He removed his turban, used it as a parachute

and jumped. Using the turban he slowly floated down. Then the Hindu removed

his dhoti and jumped out. Again his dhoti acted as a parachute and he also

floated down gently. Seeing this, the American removed his shirt and pant

and jumped out.

Unfortunately, they did not do well as a parachute and he began to fall

rapidly from the plane to the ground. He passed by the Hindu who said

- " May Bhagwan help you".

Then he passed the Sardar. The Sardar looked at the American zooming past

him and was puzzled. So he said - "I see! You want a race! Let us see who is faster"

Saying so, he let go of his turban.

Our SERIES exam...

well series exams were from 26th to 29th Nov. We had two exams a day and it was really a hectic schedule. One of our subjects is BME or Basic mechanical engineering , (for all those people who haven't the seen the books.... ;)
It is taught by our ..ahem...principal. A kind of cartoon figure; round head, bald, big tummy( first thing u see when he enters the classroom ...) ,a loud sound...a character who promises u the pleasure of making up the lost hours of previous night's sleep by his class...
by the way this guy is an IIT gold medalist... :-o

well we never cared for his classes (dont even think of asking if we studied). For the series exam we had BME and civil engineering on the same day. We all promised ourselves to pass civil..(the only option left that is...) . The question paper had 2 parts..a part containing short answer question consisting of 4 marks and an another part having two questions having 15 marks each..
and the pass mark is 20...we were sure of failing....
the results came ..last week...
our highest mark is 33 out of 50....we have almost 15 failures in boys itself ..,don't know about the gals...,...

and do u thing we were worried so sad about the result??!!

we were laughing our heads out on seeing the marks...we have many single digit marks....
Between numbers 1 and 10...,except 5 and 8, we have all the other numbers as marks...

One among us stood up and asked, "how many passed?"
the answer came in the form of a mexican wave... :D :D




P.S ----- ...... please don't ask me about the civil exam.... :D

It was my physics class. The lecturer one ,miss Bindu a.k.a Bull, was teaching wave equations or something related, ( don't ask me ...i don't know...) . we call her Bull because she is an imposing figure with an attitude. the closest thing that u can think of on seeing her is the Bull....without the horns

so any way she was taking class and me was sitting in the first bench...(ok...ok..rest of the guys wont change their places ,so we are kinda stuck .. :D ). She started staring at me. i realised she was actually looking at ma pal Vinu..who drowsed off during the class...
Lecturer: "eyy u .. guy sitting second ..stand up...!!
Vinu stood up tilting his head sideways..still not fully awake...

She stood there saying nothing and just looking at him But now we noticed that she wasn't looking at him but was actually behind him..
we all turned back to see what was going on...and there it was...our friend Linekar has also stood up ,rubbing his eyes... probably thinking it was he who was asked to stand up....
Lecturer: so u too were sleeping ??? ..